Just so I can go to sleep...

Okay, I’m irked. I doubt I can sleep unless I write about it so I may as well just get it over with before I even try to go to bed. I just finished watching the latest episode of Jon & Kate plus 8. We’re not long standing fans in this house, but we have, in recent months, come to enjoy this show. It started around the first of the year, I think. After receiving a dazzling recommendation from a friend, I bought the Gosselin’s first book, Multiple Blessings, and as the recommendation foreshadowed, I loved it. I had caught an episode of the show here and there but the book provided so much more depth and background as well as a very direct confirmation of their dedication to Jesus Christ and I instantly became a sympathetic fan. Since then we have watched the show much more frequently and, of course, their recent marriage struggles have not gone under our radar either.

Now I am not gullible enough to assume I can believe even half of what I read or catch a glimpse of in magazines littering the grocery store checkout stands AND even the small amount of time I have spent as a woman, a wife and a mother has taught me to truly believe that you never really know what someone else is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes, but all of this media buzz about marriage struggles leaves me incredibly disappointed, incredibly sad.

And amidst all of this disappointment and sadness I am a little bit frustrated. As I watched the show tonight I heard a redundant theme – “our kids are our priority” “we’ve changed and become two different people” “I just don’t know anymore”. Since when do we start buying into all of these lies? Don’t get me wrong, marriage is tough – really tough. We would all be lying if we said we never felt disconnected from our spouse – like we were going two different directions – like we have become two different people. That’s life; people change. But when we made our vows, when we said for better or for worse there was no exception for change – we didn’t commit as long as everything and everyone stayed the same. Further, is it any wonder that we are breeding a generation where half of marriages end in divorce if our priority is our kids and not our marriage?

I will never forget when I heard my pastor state that our relationship with Christ cannot be frozen in place. He said with each passing day we are either moving closer to God or we are moving further away. What a concept. And, I don’t think our marriages are really any different. Each day we are either working to build a stronger bond, to know our spouse more, to give more, to love more, to be more selfless, to serve more, to be more committed, to pray more, to meet more needs, to care more, to nurture more, or we simply are not. I am not saying it’s easy, because I know for a fact that it is not. I know that it’s tiring and it doesn’t always seem fair and sometimes it just feels like work. But, the truth is that it matters. Every single day it matter. The effort you put in and the effort you don’t put in matters.

I have only been at this marriage thing about 8 years but I have the feeling you can’t ever just go on auto-pilot because there are so many variables that life will throw at you. People change and life changes but that will never change the vows I made to Ross, the vows I made before God. It sounds lovely to say that my kids are my priority – and I don’t want to judge someone else’s priorities – but the way I see it, beyond a sound acknowledgment of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the very best thing I can give my children is an example of a strong marriage – a mommy and daddy that love each other and are committed to each other even – no, especially when things change. That is love and that is my priority.

So I write this as much for myself as I do to vent because it breaks my heart to watch someone concede, to watch someone else buy into lies that can so easily plant themselves in our heads and in our hearts. I am not immune; none of us are. So this is affirmation of my commitment. A post of rededication to the vows that I made so that when tough times come – and I know that they will – my own words and the grace of my Heavenly Father can help me re-focus. There are many things I can live without in this life, many dreams I am willing to concede but my marriage is not and will not be one of them.

Ahhh. Sorry for the rant but now I can go to sleep. Goodnight!